So here I am sitting inside, its cold and rainy outside. There are fires blazing all over my hometown (1). The condo is quiet and the puppy is happy.
I am having flashbacks to Edward Norton in fight club, you know the scene where he has the perfect little apartment but he hates it. That’s how I feel. The normal life seems to be getting to me. I need a vacation, or rather, I need a life change. It feels like life is just becoming a blur of work, school, and fun. How could that be bad?
I love my job, I like my school, I have great friends, a good family, and I even have a new love interest. She is so great. Karen you have provided me with feelings and comfort that I have never felt before. Still….
Nothing seems to help. I tried all of the old tricks: something warm, something sweet, something wet, something cute, writings, poems, puppies, movies, sleep, laughter. Normally, one or two of those and I am good to go. This one is different though. It’s not like the others in that I don’t normally feel this lost. I actually enjoy my depressions, they are a recalibration, a slow down, and a casual refresh on life.
Weird thing is though…I am enjoying this one too. It just feels lower or stronger or strongly different than most. I am resisting the urge to “figure it out” though. I have found that there is nothing worse I can do to myself than force a resolution. My body and soul are pushing something out here and I want to be in touch with it. The natural course is best.
Well, thanks blog you are my memory, my thoughts, my life. It feels good to write to you. Here is one more for the ghost in the machine.