Autumn Depression

So here I am sitting inside, its cold and rainy outside. There are fires blazing all over my hometown (1). The condo is quiet and the puppy is happy.

I am having flashbacks to Edward Norton in fight club, you know the scene where he has the perfect little apartment but he hates it. That’s how I feel. The normal life seems to be getting to me. I need a vacation, or rather, I need a life change. It feels like life is just becoming a blur of work, school, and fun. How could that be bad?

I love my job, I like my school, I have great friends, a good family, and I even have a new love interest. She is so great. Karen you have provided me with feelings and comfort that I have never felt before. Still….

Nothing seems to help. I tried all of the old tricks: something warm, something sweet, something wet, something cute, writings, poems, puppies, movies, sleep, laughter. Normally, one or two of those and I am good to go. This one is different though. It’s not like the others in that I don’t normally feel this lost. I actually enjoy my depressions, they are a recalibration, a slow down, and a casual refresh on life.

Weird thing is though…I am enjoying this one too. It just feels lower or stronger or strongly different than most. I am resisting the urge to “figure it out” though. I have found that there is nothing worse I can do to myself than force a resolution. My body and soul are pushing something out here and I want to be in touch with it. The natural course is best.

Well, thanks blog you are my memory, my thoughts, my life. It feels good to write to you. Here is one more for the ghost in the machine.

4 replies on “Autumn Depression”

  1. What I see here is a failure to communicate, Steve. What you have is a God-shaped hole that needs filling…and there ain’t nothing that you’ve found so far that can do that.

  2. Remember the little things…

    ice cream with little spoons and good salads…


  3. This is why I love you. Who puts it all out there?

    Embrassez-vous l’aube d’autumn? Change is good.

  4. Watch Conan the Barbarian or Pumping Iron.

    Then pop some fish oil pills and go to the gym.

    Seriously, you should be simply happy that you are in the current state you are in.

    I’ve become an empty shell of a man going through the motions of being alive.

    (A) girl(s) I don’t care about.

    A luxury condo I don’t spend any time in.

    A netflix subscription I never get to use.

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