sometimes i write when i dont want to. I sit down at my desk and think about how much i dont want to write. But i cant escape. the pen just grabs me. I let loose and away we go…
there are these drapes. Really, i dont even know what drapes are. They are just a memory that is forever coming to mind. My mom loved drapes. She used to hang them over bed at all times. white ones, cartoon ones, always drapes.
Yet everytime i dream these drapes come to mind. So it starts…
a window with drapes. great big flowing ones with white like satin look to them. you can touch but you cannot. one touch and they will wrap all around you. The wind it gusts but it doesnt want to. it just wants to move the drapes and touch my dream. The wind is tricky and needy always wanting to be in my dreams.
Now saying that these are my dreams is funny. They are mine in that i have them, but i cannot control them. I cannot effect them anymore than i can stop time. But i can do battle with them. If i make them come true then they are destroyed. The wind and my drapes must forever be changed. Any moment of stillness and the dreams stop. The wind gets angry. Life gets wrong.
So i look forward to the wind and its tricks. I remember the drapes and seek their silk. But then there is light. A sunset or a dawn, i dont know. But light is there, light enters. It touches the drapes and makes them glow. No glow is not right. Cloudy is right. The clouds also want to be in my dreams. The light trusts the clouds to get past the drapes and enter the room. But it cannot. So the wind tricks, the light trusts, and the clouds cloud. But still these are my dreams, but i cannot control them.
I am a slave to these dreams. I am tortured by them. I am riven with constant desire. I am unable to escape and feel peace. They always touch me and find me. I cannot let the drapes and the wind/clouds/light down. They need me. I need me.
But wait, im scared, they are my dreams. I guard them. I trust them. I know them. I need them. I protect them and hold them and never let anyone touch them.
I have trusted and listened and made the dreams happy. Now it is my turn. I want something from you dreams. I want a bear. I want an Amy. I want to open the window and let a bear in.
She is crazy and mad and angry and wild and fearful, but i want her in. I want a bed. I want a team. I want a life with her. So please let her in. Please let me be happy. I do not ask for peace, i understand the ways of dreams. I accept the winds tricks, the lights trust, and the clouds cloud. But please let her in.
I will leave you know dreams. I will leave you be. I will leave you to think on this. I know you love me and i love you. We are a team but our team has grown. Goodbye dreams