My Biggest Project (so far)

It’s not really fair to call this a project, but that is what helps me understand the undertaking. It helps me bucket-it and stay sane as it happens.

The latest project of mine is Amy Senger. She is the woman I love. I have decided to give my love to her and dedicate all that I do to her.

I regularly tell her: “I am your servant”, “You are my queen”, “You are the woman of my dreams”.

In search of all this I am back in Washington DC….for her. My dog is at home, so is my car, and all my belongings. It is a strange time for me, having started a new business, uprooted my life, and then fallen in love (all within a few months).

Not really that strange, though, if you know me. Might actually be ‘par for the course’ if you know what I mean. Still, that doesn’t make this strangeness any easier for Amy.

Whether she knew it or not. Welcomed it, expected it, or feared it…the full onslaught of my personality is now upon her. My ex recently called it “aggressive” as she gave one of those grimaced looks off into the distance.

It really is a right of passage for getting to know me. I can’t help it. I can turn it off for those with a weak or potential tie to me, but watch out if ur a strong tie. Fights, late night talks, annoyances, challenges, debates, uncomfortableness. Yeah I’ve been told I cause all that and within the last month.

Now don’t get me wrong I also create beauty and love in the world. It’s just that one never remembers or thanks the good deeds because its the toughest ones that you remember. Trust me on this. I can go back and see the growth and love I helped create, never a thank you….

Back to Amy Senger. She is handling all this beautifully. Her outward beauty is only matched by her inner beauty and her agile, capable mind. She is constantly telling me about her revelations and problems. Getting upset about what I tell her and showing frustration with the constant pushiness (though that’s better than aggressive).

Through it all she is a philly and rising to the challenge.

I guess I’m writing about this because it is hard on me too. I don’t like to admit it but I feel her pain/struggle/frustration as well. I can see the end and the dream, but it still is just as hard for me. It distracts me from my obsession, A Clean Life, which is saying something.

It’s just that when I see something I want I jump on it. I never look back. I attain that dream and accept the new reality.

Amy is my new reality.